~ the Buck Stops Here ~

“Stop Expecting People to show up the way you want them to and allow them to show up as they are, and stop holding people hostage for what you they should or shouldn’t have done”¬† Iyanla Vanzant

I couldn’t have said this better myself!

What happens when we fall in love, develop a core friendship, have children, parents etc…..is we see them through the lens of our perceptions and the stories of OUR lives. After the “fairy” dust settles and the child grows, time passes in a friendship and the spouse becomes “comfortable”….what is there?

This is a question that has crossed the minds ( either consciously or not) of every man, woman and parent living on this planet earth.

What gives us ANY right to think that someone else is responsible for our happiness?

Well I am not a psychologist…..but it all seems to point back to our childhood. What happens when we get hurt and what goes on at birthday and holiday time? We are born and begin living watching people please us …we soon find out that the way TO GET WHAT WE WANT is ….to please and expect to be pleased by others. So we DO BE and ACT in a certain way…that is then expected of us ( and we expect it back from others)

What a complete recipe for sadness and despair, anger and jealousy not to mention some resentment thrown in there too.

So what can we do about this? I don’t think anyone, anytime soon is going to stop giving their newborns and growing children love/affection with hopes to please them….but at some point we ALL need to see that true happiness/pleasure is our very own personal responsibility AND that any other gestures of pleasing from others is an added bonus.

AND something else very cool happens, when we ensure our OWN personal happiness….we have MORE to give others and then the feelings are naturally boomeranged right back to us…….WONDERFUL.

How are some ways you can be responsible for your own happiness?

1. Write down everything that makes you unhappy and then look for/do/be the opposite of everything on that list.

2. Keep an abundance journal or board AND every day make note of everything positive/free/abundant that comes to you. ( and if you focus on this MORE with naturally come ( almost magically).

3. Focus on ways to give. This does not have to cost money OR take much time….perhaps a flower, a smile, a compliment. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” . THE BONUS – you will FEEL GREAT!

4. Work at a job you LOVE or do your job and find a hobby that you look forward to spending time on.

5. Say I love you and show it to those you care for as much as you can. (If they say ‘enough already – I know you love me’ then you will know you are giving out lots of love.)

6. Do something that YOU LOVE- FOR YOU everyday ( again – does not have to cost money or much time).

……..I encourage¬† you to take this short list and run with it….start with what is here and make it super long…..and specific to you.

YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS. To quote Andy Andrews from the “Traveler’s Gift” ...the buck stops here!

Mona McClelland

Professional Life and Health Coach

the “Busy Mom Mentor”

 

Leave a Reply