Are you too Needy?

Every mom has the ability to do so much for her family and at times your tank is running on empty but you don’t even know it……Moms are so good at taking care of their family’s needs but what happens when mom’s needs are not being cared for?

First, if there are any signs of  sadness, resentment or depression, it is imperative you  start looking deep inside yourself and trying to figure out why you feel this way. Here is the kicker,  awareness is usually thehardest step. Once aware of the problem you can then do something about it.

What is the underlying reason you are feeling this way?

Example:

  • You’ve lost who “you are”? What I mean by this is that sometimes when we get busy in our busy-ness we are focusing so much on the others AND we forget what we were like and liked before family. So, you suddenly find that you no longer know what you like to do and what you want from life. You don’t know who “you” are because you have forgotten to nurture this part of yourself.
  • Maybe you are afraid of abandonment (children eventually spend more time with friends/grow up and move on) or maybe emotional abandonment?
  • Is there something in your past, an event that is causing your baggage to trigger some deep unresolved emotions that could be interfering in the intimacy of your current relationship (ex: abandonment, abuse, etc.?)
  • Does your spouse or children make comments or do things that chip away at your self esteem? It is important to figure out where the feelings are coming from. Once you pinpoint this it makes it easier to find a resolve and create some healing steps to feed and nurture YOUR needs.For example, if you found that you once had goals and dreams that faded away with the decision to have a family and now realize that you have lost who you are, then you could start with figuring out what it is you want to achieve in your life. Are there places you still want to travel to or skills you want to learn? Remember this is about finding things that you would want for yourself.Ask yourself what do you like to do and then start doing it on your own. Even if you say you do not know anymore what it is you like to do….simply begin by making a list of what you do NOT like to do ….and guess what…what you like to do is simply the opposite.

    Then you could spend time doing what you love which would build up your skills, self esteem and self confidence in the area that makes your heart sing and also for yourself.

    Now, most importantly you will be focusing at times on yourself, (as well as your family).

    In a relationship(s – kids and spouse), it is really beneficial to know what makes you happy and to be “complete” whether the other person(s) is there or not.

    Ask yourself:

    Is this a self esteem issue or a conflict between you and another in your family…if so the solutions will be different. You need to identify first, the root of your neediness.

    Also, figure out the trigger (how does this happen?). Pay attention to what is going on for you when this feeling arises. What circumstances contribute to the feelings in you? Then, how do you respond/react? Watch yourself like you’re a witness to the event. Paying attention to HOW these needy feelings get stirred up will be valuable to figuring out a long term solution.

    If this feeling arises whenever your spouse  is not paying enough attention to you, you can ask yourself …”does this mean he does not love me?”  Ask yourself “ Just because he is not paying enough attention to me, does that mean he does not love me?” Most likely you will then realize that this behaviour doesn’t mean this at all. That YOU created that thought or belief. YOU will have to then work through those emotions or get some help.

    And guess what – whether is it about your kids and the endless hours you give to them OR the lack of appreciation or love you feel is missing from your spouse….YOU will learn, by asking yourself this simple question if this is a belief your have about yourself as well. You might have veered so far from YOUR LIFE SCRIPT (path), you might be feeling that no one appreciates or loves you.

    You can simply change this old belief by writing it down and then a new one that reflects the truth.  Going forward you can catch yourself each time you are thinking the old belief,  and then say the new one. Ex: “Everyone is happy and busy doing their own thing and I can love myself by spending some time catching up on MY goals and dreams” (fill in what the goal or dream is at the end of the NEW belief statement).  It then becomes a matter of re-programming your thoughts.

    Remember this process may take some time….all habits begin with thoughts that are followed repetitively. YOU have the power and choice over what you think. It is easy to think the same old habitual thoughts…but it is freeing and empowering to think new productive thoughts that create a positive momentum in your life, create self confidence AND fulfill your dreams.

    Begin by exploring and don’t be afraid of the emotions that may arise. The emotions are a good thing…a release plus you will be create a better understanding of yourself and become much stronger. Being needy is okay…we all need each other…but when your neediness cripples your ability to enjoy your life and those you love then it is time to take a long look at what YOUR own needs are and HOW YOU can fulfill them yourself.

    If you would like to GAIN SOME CLARITY and begin to take back your life and fulfill YOUR dreams….Contact me at support@whenmomshappy.com and I will schedule for you a 30 min rapid coaching discovery session at a ONE TIME NO CHARGE RATE.  (regular 150.00)

    Copy and paste the following questions ….fill in the answers  forward to me and within 48 hours I will send you my available appt times for scheduling.

    1. What do you most want to
    change today?
    2. Have you tried to change
    this before?
    3. What have you attempted
    in the past that didn’t work?
    4. Why do you think it didn’t
    work?
    5. On a scale of 0-10, how
    important is it for you to
    achieve change today?
    6. What other areas of your
    life do you want to change
    (if any)?
    7. Full Name
    8. Email Address
    9. Phone #
    10. Time Zone

    Check off the areas you’d most
    like to work on…

    __ Business
    __ Weight Loss
    __ Relationship (get into one)
    __ Relationship (improve the one I’m in)
    __ Career Change
    __ Parenting Challenges
    __ Other

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