Archive for November, 2012

~ the Buck Stops Here ~

“Stop Expecting People to show up the way you want them to and allow them to show up as they are, and stop holding people hostage for what you they should or shouldn’t have done”  Iyanla Vanzant

I couldn’t have said this better myself!

What happens when we fall in love, develop a core friendship, have children, parents etc…..is we see them through the lens of our perceptions and the stories of OUR lives. After the “fairy” dust settles and the child grows, time passes in a friendship and the spouse becomes “comfortable”….what is there?

This is a question that has crossed the minds ( either consciously or not) of every man, woman and parent living on this planet earth.

What gives us ANY right to think that someone else is responsible for our happiness?

Well I am not a psychologist…..but it all seems to point back to our childhood. What happens when we get hurt and what goes on at birthday and holiday time? We are born and begin living watching people please us …we soon find out that the way TO GET WHAT WE WANT is ….to please and expect to be pleased by others. So we DO BE and ACT in a certain way…that is then expected of us ( and we expect it back from others)

What a complete recipe for sadness and despair, anger and jealousy not to mention some resentment thrown in there too.

So what can we do about this? I don’t think anyone, anytime soon is going to stop giving their newborns and growing children love/affection with hopes to please them….but at some point we ALL need to see that true happiness/pleasure is our very own personal responsibility AND that any other gestures of pleasing from others is an added bonus.

AND something else very cool happens, when we ensure our OWN personal happiness….we have MORE to give others and then the feelings are naturally boomeranged right back to us…….WONDERFUL.

How are some ways you can be responsible for your own happiness?

1. Write down everything that makes you unhappy and then look for/do/be the opposite of everything on that list.

2. Keep an abundance journal or board AND every day make note of everything positive/free/abundant that comes to you. ( and if you focus on this MORE with naturally come ( almost magically).

3. Focus on ways to give. This does not have to cost money OR take much time….perhaps a flower, a smile, a compliment. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” . THE BONUS – you will FEEL GREAT!

4. Work at a job you LOVE or do your job and find a hobby that you look forward to spending time on.

5. Say I love you and show it to those you care for as much as you can. (If they say ‘enough already – I know you love me’ then you will know you are giving out lots of love.)

6. Do something that YOU LOVE- FOR YOU everyday ( again – does not have to cost money or much time).

……..I encourage  you to take this short list and run with it….start with what is here and make it super long…..and specific to you.

YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS. To quote Andy Andrews from the “Traveler’s Gift” ...the buck stops here!

Mona McClelland

Professional Life and Health Coach

the “Busy Mom Mentor”

 

~ What is an Empowered Woman anyways? ~

This post was inspired by my beautiful 21 year old daughter who is navigating her way, on HER journey in this world.

This week she called me from Montreal, where she is going to University, to tell me that she really needed someone to talk to.

By the time we spoke she had spoken to another friend of hers and was feeling much better but the issue at hand, although with more clarity at this point, was still gnawing at her.

She started by saying to me that her recently uprooted living situation had really got the best of her and that she thought she should sign up for some ‘assertiveness training classes’ to help empower her in the future.

Okay, I know you are a busy professional working mom, wondering what a story about a 21  year University student has to do with YOU? Everything….keep reading!

Now in my 5th decade of life I look back at all the things I was NEVER taught and am so very excited that my daughters (and I think most children these days) are learning HOW to be assertive….to NOT accept bullying, and to cultivate and LIVE their passions from such a very young age. AND where would I be today if I had learned these things in my 20s?

As I listened to my daughter talk about her conundrum……I had a great amount of empathy. It would not be any fun ….if after 2 months of selecting the ‘right’ place to live and then 2 months living there (after moving across the country) that you have to uproot and move again. Then of course deliberating on the new “right place to be” with the “right” roommates…..and having someone else squeak in and scoop THAT one too.

Here is what I told her:

First that what she was having to deal with SUCKED….big time.

And that if taking an assertiveness training would make her feel more empowered then go for it.

BUT what I thought she really needed to hear was this……

SHE WAS ALREADY EMPOWERED.……and it was because of the following 5 steps that she intuitively took:

1. She took stock of her situation and made a DECISION of what was best for her ( she had to leave the present living situation – it was a drag – but living with others more suited to her demographic would be better).

2. She set a timeline……(after midterms – again taking care of HER needs).

3. She took action and found 2 places that were suitable.

4. Support……When she felt overwhelmed or confused she reached out for help.

5. She was in touch with her emotions. Lets face it ladies…in this world we are still taught that being and showing emotions ( negative ones ) is unacceptable and YES uncomfortable. BUT they are called E-Motions for a reason….feel them ……and let them MOVE through you and out. Otherwise they WILL get stuck in your body and cause all sorts of BIGGER DISCOMFORT later.

I told her that she is one of the most empowered women I know and that is takes more courage to reach out and be vulnerable about a situation than act like an ISLAND  thinking you can do it ALL by yourself.

So now that you know what  a truly EMPOWERED woman is and what she does to be that way. I bet YOU can look in the mirror and see one looking right back at you.

Take care of yourself first ladies….because if you don’t…..everyone else depending on you will either walk all over you OR they won’t have YOU to depend on for long. A BURNT-OUT mom is no good to anyone.

My offer still stands….. I get that it is hard to reach out for help. But now that you know ( or are reminded) that it is a sign of STRENGTH  not weakness …...you can ask for help too.

Discover  now what is missing in your life……it is my honour to be there with you and hold your hand as you do!  (even if you are depressed, tired, lazy and/or have no goals).

Blessings,

Mona

the”Busy Mom Mentor”

….and remember “When Moms Happy, Everyone’s Happy”