Archive for May, 2012

What would fulfill YOUR life?

Life is full of Irony.  It is bizarre to think that the things we want
most seem to be the things we have the most resistance to.

Do you remember being so OMG nervous and fearful around a
boy or a girl you really liked?

How about this…do you ever procrastinate on doing the things that are
most important to you?

Do you tend to hide ( or are you afraid to show -  or have you forgotten) your deepest gifts?

You are not alone that is for sure.

I think that because the things we want most in life bring up the most fear. Interesting isn’t it?

…and isn’t it also interesting how our deepest desires live in the very most vulnerable part of our being? And how we seem to have to hide that which is most important to us ( sometimes in fear of failure or ridicule – even as an adult) Seems absurd doesn’t it?

So you can see how your inner most desires and your fears can go hand in hand.

Here is an interesting concept and I am curious about your thoughts……

It would make sense that most coaches and teachers tell us to simply face these fears and push through what you most feel you resist …BUT I think it is important to listen to the fear and the resistance…Hear what it is telling you first and then create a bond with it ….asking it to HELP you move towards what you want…hand in hand. ( Thank this fear and resistance as it did serve you at one point – now it can act as your guide…more like a consultant to you on the path to your desire).

Rest assured that sometimes you will feel stuck along the way to taking back your life, your dreams, your career goals and that you are resisting doing what is important because you are afraid to step out from back stage into YOUR starring role.

This simply means you are on your path…right on track…your fear is just letting you know this…so thank this fear, this resistance and then keep going knowing that fulfilling YOUR life and creating exactly what YOU want will help you have more for your family in the short and long run.

AND just because fear is now your ally, doesn’t mean you should do what it is telling you to do (it just means you are hearing it and thanking it and moving forward towards YOUR most fulfilling life regardless.) Your most fulfilling life is waiting for you…this is a gift you can give yourself AND your family, please don’t make them wait one second longer than they have to.

I would love for you to share what YOU really want in your life…what fills you up so you have more to give your family.

Leave your comment here!

Are you too Needy?

Every mom has the ability to do so much for her family and at times your tank is running on empty but you don’t even know it……Moms are so good at taking care of their family’s needs but what happens when mom’s needs are not being cared for?

First, if there are any signs of  sadness, resentment or depression, it is imperative you  start looking deep inside yourself and trying to figure out why you feel this way. Here is the kicker,  awareness is usually thehardest step. Once aware of the problem you can then do something about it.

What is the underlying reason you are feeling this way?

Example:

  • You’ve lost who “you are”? What I mean by this is that sometimes when we get busy in our busy-ness we are focusing so much on the others AND we forget what we were like and liked before family. So, you suddenly find that you no longer know what you like to do and what you want from life. You don’t know who “you” are because you have forgotten to nurture this part of yourself.
  • Maybe you are afraid of abandonment (children eventually spend more time with friends/grow up and move on) or maybe emotional abandonment?
  • Is there something in your past, an event that is causing your baggage to trigger some deep unresolved emotions that could be interfering in the intimacy of your current relationship (ex: abandonment, abuse, etc.?)
  • Does your spouse or children make comments or do things that chip away at your self esteem? It is important to figure out where the feelings are coming from. Once you pinpoint this it makes it easier to find a resolve and create some healing steps to feed and nurture YOUR needs.For example, if you found that you once had goals and dreams that faded away with the decision to have a family and now realize that you have lost who you are, then you could start with figuring out what it is you want to achieve in your life. Are there places you still want to travel to or skills you want to learn? Remember this is about finding things that you would want for yourself.Ask yourself what do you like to do and then start doing it on your own. Even if you say you do not know anymore what it is you like to do….simply begin by making a list of what you do NOT like to do ….and guess what…what you like to do is simply the opposite.

    Then you could spend time doing what you love which would build up your skills, self esteem and self confidence in the area that makes your heart sing and also for yourself.

    Now, most importantly you will be focusing at times on yourself, (as well as your family).

    In a relationship(s – kids and spouse), it is really beneficial to know what makes you happy and to be “complete” whether the other person(s) is there or not.

    Ask yourself:

    Is this a self esteem issue or a conflict between you and another in your family…if so the solutions will be different. You need to identify first, the root of your neediness.

    Also, figure out the trigger (how does this happen?). Pay attention to what is going on for you when this feeling arises. What circumstances contribute to the feelings in you? Then, how do you respond/react? Watch yourself like you’re a witness to the event. Paying attention to HOW these needy feelings get stirred up will be valuable to figuring out a long term solution.

    If this feeling arises whenever your spouse  is not paying enough attention to you, you can ask yourself …”does this mean he does not love me?”  Ask yourself “ Just because he is not paying enough attention to me, does that mean he does not love me?” Most likely you will then realize that this behaviour doesn’t mean this at all. That YOU created that thought or belief. YOU will have to then work through those emotions or get some help.

    And guess what – whether is it about your kids and the endless hours you give to them OR the lack of appreciation or love you feel is missing from your spouse….YOU will learn, by asking yourself this simple question if this is a belief your have about yourself as well. You might have veered so far from YOUR LIFE SCRIPT (path), you might be feeling that no one appreciates or loves you.

    You can simply change this old belief by writing it down and then a new one that reflects the truth.  Going forward you can catch yourself each time you are thinking the old belief,  and then say the new one. Ex: “Everyone is happy and busy doing their own thing and I can love myself by spending some time catching up on MY goals and dreams” (fill in what the goal or dream is at the end of the NEW belief statement).  It then becomes a matter of re-programming your thoughts.

    Remember this process may take some time….all habits begin with thoughts that are followed repetitively. YOU have the power and choice over what you think. It is easy to think the same old habitual thoughts…but it is freeing and empowering to think new productive thoughts that create a positive momentum in your life, create self confidence AND fulfill your dreams.

    Begin by exploring and don’t be afraid of the emotions that may arise. The emotions are a good thing…a release plus you will be create a better understanding of yourself and become much stronger. Being needy is okay…we all need each other…but when your neediness cripples your ability to enjoy your life and those you love then it is time to take a long look at what YOUR own needs are and HOW YOU can fulfill them yourself.

    If you would like to GAIN SOME CLARITY and begin to take back your life and fulfill YOUR dreams….Contact me at support@whenmomshappy.com and I will schedule for you a 30 min rapid coaching discovery session at a ONE TIME NO CHARGE RATE.  (regular 150.00)

    Copy and paste the following questions ….fill in the answers  forward to me and within 48 hours I will send you my available appt times for scheduling.

    1. What do you most want to
    change today?
    2. Have you tried to change
    this before?
    3. What have you attempted
    in the past that didn’t work?
    4. Why do you think it didn’t
    work?
    5. On a scale of 0-10, how
    important is it for you to
    achieve change today?
    6. What other areas of your
    life do you want to change
    (if any)?
    7. Full Name
    8. Email Address
    9. Phone #
    10. Time Zone

    Check off the areas you’d most
    like to work on…

    __ Business
    __ Weight Loss
    __ Relationship (get into one)
    __ Relationship (improve the one I’m in)
    __ Career Change
    __ Parenting Challenges
    __ Other

  • Its a Mothers Business

    Many women ask me “What do you do that you get to stay at home with your kids?”

    It is true that some days I work in my pajamas….mostly because I got the kids out the door and then sat down to do just ONE thing  - then all of a sudden I see it is 1 o’clock and I haven’t had a shower or dressed yet.

    Working at home does NOT mean luxuriously taking your time to get things done while enjoying playing with your kids. It means creating a plan for the week/day…cramming it all in the hours that you have before the kids come home from school ( or in some cases wake up from their nap) and your are back on mom duty AND it means finishing what you need to get done AFTER they have gone to bed and you have made lunches.

    However the rewards do outweigh the challenges and you can definitely create a work environment that is conducive to the values that you want to model to your kids  and to  HOW you want to live your life, share your gifts and raise your family. ~ Mona McClelland

    Honest conversation from Moms who work from Home

    Owning and operating a small business while raising young children isn’t easy, but the rewards can make it all worthwhile.

    Seven years ago, Karen McCauley left a demanding consumer-research job to launch her own market research company called Fresh Squeezed Ideas. As the mother of two young children, ages three and six at the time, she hoped running a business out of her Toronto home could be the best of both worlds: she would be her own boss in a professional field that she loved, and she would also get to spend more quality time with her family.

    For the most part, this turned out to be true. McCauley’s business thrived, and she was still able to walk the kids to school, see them at lunchtime and occasionally volunteer in the classroom –– things she likely wouldn’t be doing if she worked for someone else. She admits, however, that she was initially a bit naive when it came to the challenges involved.

    “The flip side of having your own business, especially when you’re working from home, is that there are no boundaries,” she said.

    In the beginning, McCauley had a tough time delineating work time and family time. So, although she was able see the kids at lunch, she would often find herself up in her office working on the computer all evening.

    “It can be difficult trying to be a business professional while at the same time having your kids run into your office asking you to be a mom,” she said. “I used to have to put a note on the door that said, ‘Do not come into my office right now. I’m on a call with a client,’ and I would think, I have to try to live these two personas at the same time, and it’s really hard.”

    Manage expectations

    The authors of a new book called Mom Inc.: How to Raise Your Family and Your Business Without Losing Your Mind or Your Shirt are very familiar with these challenges. Torontonians Amy Ballon and Danielle Botterell are MBA graduates who left the fast-track of Bay Street to open their own custom baby-blanket business called Admiral Road Designs in 2002. They decided to write the book, published earlier this year by HarperCollins, to address misperceptions about what it’s like to run a business with young kids at home.

    “It felt like the media coverage of mompreneurship was a bit too glossy,” explains Ballon. “Every magazine article we flipped open featured a perfectly coiffed mom with perfectly tailored children playing at her feet while she worked at the computer. And we thought, wait a minute, that’s not what it’s like!

    “We wanted to paint a realistic picture of what it’s like to work for yourself when you’re trying to raise young kids as well.”

    When it comes to balancing family needs with business needs, it’s all about communication, says Botterell.

    “We still have to talk about it all the time,” she says. “There’s a lot of managing the kids’ expectations. They’ll say, ‘Why can’t you come to the assembly today?’ I’ll say, ‘I can’t come to the assembly because I’m working. But I can pick you up and drop you off, and that’s the deal that we’ve made.’”

    McCauley agrees that communication is key. As her own kids have gotten older and she’s become more established in her business, she’s figured out new ways to make everything run more smoothly. Now that her children are 10 and 13, for instance, they all do their “homework” together.

    So, if she has work to do in the evening, she’ll bring her laptop downstairs, and she and the kids will all work in the same room. When the kids are finished their homework, McCauley unplugs, too.

    Include kids in business

    Paula McNamara runs her own talent agency, Playgroup Enterprises, out of her Toronto home. Her daughter is younger than McCauley’s children, but McNamara still has a similar strategy of “working” side by side with five-year-old Madison when there’s a deadline to meet while her daughter is at home.

    “I’ll let her sit next to me in my office and quietly colour, because some things do have to get done in a certain time limit, and there’s no getting around that,” says McNamara. “It’s also nice to try to make the kids feel involved with the business.”

    McNamara, who has been a talent agent for 15 years, started her own agency in 2005. A month later, she became pregnant. She wasn’t able to take any maternity leave, which is often the case for small business owners. But the upside of a home-based business was that she didn’t have to be away from her infant all day. She hired some part-time help with the baby and was still able to spend a great deal of time with Madison.

    Now that her daughter is in school, McNamara makes it a priority to work around her school schedule. Whenever possible, she puts work on hold after school so she can fully engage with her daughter.

    Work around school schedules

    Eva Cooper of Wakefield, Que., also sings the praises of working around your children’s schedule. She opened her own retail business –– a clothing store called Boutique Burro Borracho in Wakefield –– in 2005 when her daughter, Delilah, was three. Since she has staff, Cooper has always been able to leave the store in time for the end of school, and then she’ll just pick up the laptop and start working again after her daughter has gone to sleep.

    “And Delilah’s always been an early riser, so I just start my day early,” she said. “Even now, she’s on the bus at 7:30 a.m., so I go to work at 7:30 a.m. If you can mirror their schedule with yours, it works really well.”

    Now that Delilah is 10 years old, Cooper felt the time was right to expand. So this fall, she opened up a second store in Ottawa’s Glebe neighbourhood. Much to her daughter’s delight, she called the new boutique Delilah.

    “Growth is good,” Cooper said. “After you do something for several years, and it works well and you’ve got the system in place, why not? I think it’s good to think about the future as well.”

    As children get older and become increasingly independent, there’s more time to focus on the business.

    “With young children, it all goes by pretty quickly,” she said.

    Click Here for: “7 Powerful Secrets Every Mom Needs to Know to Instantly Eliminate Stress, Overwhelm and Burnout.”

    |Above Story Resource; CBC News:  http://www.cbc.ca/news/business/smallbusiness/story/2011/09/30/f-small-biz-moms.html

    Mona McClelland

    Professional Health and Life Coach

    the “Busy Mom Mentor”

    WhenMomsHappy.com

    Time for Mommy Love: 5 Tips for Busy Working Moms

    Moms juggle everything, especially career and parenthood, so it can be hard to prioritize romance and intimacy with your partner, but this is ever so important to your relationship.

    If you have children you know this and with all the things that need to get done, intimacy may often take a lower spot on the list of priorities. But what you must know is, it is still a vital element of a healthy relationship.

    Here are 5 tips for rekindling the passion between you and your man.

    1. SCHEDULE DOWN TIME.

    Many busy working moms miss the time they spend away from home and their kids, so they enroll them in music or sports after school or on weekends. It’s great that kids have opportunities to enrich their lives and feed their potential, but too many activities can simply burnout your kids AND exhaust you, the parents. Instead of wearing yourself out driving your kids around to their extracurricular activities, why not save it for a couple of hours alone with your sweetie after the kids have gone to bed?

    2. BE PLAYFUL

    Relationship specialists suggest being playful is one of THE best ways to keep the emotional connection (and, ultimately – sex – alive) with your guy. Throw him a flirtatious look or send him a naughty text message that suggests what might be happening later, when the lights are off.

    3. DO SWEET LITTLE THINGS

    Making sweet or romantic gestures toward your partner is a sure-fire way to keep the flame ignited in a relationship. These gestures can be as simple as brushing your fingers over his tired brow while watching a family movie with the kids, definitely holding hands in public, and how about giving him a 6 second kiss with a warm embrace as soon as you see each other after a long day at work. (***A little love note tucked in his lunch bag or briefcase will remind him that you are thinking of him during his work day***).

    4. PLAN A ROMANTIC DATE NIGHT

    Marriage counselors, relationship experts, and couple resource websites say that date night, should  be number one on a couple’s priority list. As strange as it might feel, understand that it will eventually become a night that you and your man will look forward to. Maybe it is reservations at a classy restaurant or at just a night at home, just the two of you. Send the kids out for a sleepover, and turn ALL THE PHONES OFF!

    5. WORK OUT TOGETHER

    Sweating together is sexy…let’s face it, exercising with your partner does not only mean getting in shape together; it also gives you the time to communicate with your man more adequately. (You know the side by side relationship). By working out with him you will create a space for open dialogue, enjoy a better physique, and increased stamina. Having workouts together is truly a great way to strengthen your relationship.

    (Okay ….one extra tip for good measure) JUST DO IT!

    Don’t make him beg ladies…..making love to your man IS the number one way to show him love and have him feel loved BY you. I get it….with all the other places that you spend your energy during the day; you probably just want to grab a great book and then relax into sleep.

    If you feel like you’re forcing yourself to get “in the mood” after a long, tiring day, you are not alone. Most busy working moms are right there with you.

    Sometimes, the best thing to do is to just start kissing, and then do it! It might not be the most romantic approach, but sudden, unplanned intimate moments often yield satisfying results. And you will have just added interest to your relationship bank account…which will yield strong returns during the course of your relationship.

    Mona McClelland

    the “Busy Mom Mentor”

    ps. If you don’t know where to begin to eliminate the busy-ness and take back your life……..you just might need a little help ( I sure did).  In just 30 minutes you will know what to do tomorrow to create an extra hour in every day for you….to do whatever it is YOU WANT TO DO!

    Click Here: for your 30 min Rapid Coaching Discovery Session….because YOU are worth it.

    And remember…When Moms Happy…Everyone’s Happy!


    Do you have the energy to accomplish ANYTHING?

    I don’t know about you ….but having a business/job, raising kids, being on committees, volunteering for school trips, taking time for your spouse…taking time for YOURSELF, takes energy.

    Do you live your life vibrantly?

    Being a Mom is a labour of love with long hours and very little pay except hugs and kisses – (pretty good pay) but you know what I mean.

    The greatest achievements in life are only possible if we activate the best within us. If we can amplify that we can achieve anything.

    Here are six things that you can do to help you not just wake up in the morning and drag yourself out of bed…BUT get you out of bed with a charge….with excitement about your life and the day.

    I will start with number two and leave number 1 to the end.

    2.  Presence – I have been known to say the “ISness is the business”, meaning; be fully engaged, energetically body and emotions NOW.  How? …STOP doing everything else. STOP multi tasking (yes you are good at that…but stop).  Ask yourself every day, what level am I at on a scale of 1-10 in terms of physical energy and emotion vibrancy? Figure out where you are….then you can activate more presence.  (Isn’t this what you want from your man – presence …not solutions to your problem…but presence and truly listening and hearing you?).  Are you being present?

    3.  Mind Set – Ask yourself this question – am I living my truth? (What is your truth = your identity). Pick three words that define who you are as a person in your identity and three words about how you interact with other people.  Keep these words in the forefront of your mind every day.  Remind yourself ABOUT yourself every single day( ex: I am strong- willed, dynamic, healthy… kind, loving, creative. ) Have this vision of your highest self and focus on this every single day – watch what happens to your life!

    4. Taking Care of Your Body– Take care of your body…It is easy to let go of your dreams when you don’t feel well. You want a ton of energy for your life…. a sustained level of energy and engagement in your life. This comes from learning to use your body in unique ways ….ask yourself everyday… Am I rested and Hydrated? Nothing in your physiology is more important than this. Can  you achieve anything if you are wiped out ? Everything is created from a relaxed, calm state.

    5. How to be productive:  This is not about being busy….it is about being “lit up” excited to get going and do what makes your heart sing. Here is a question to ask yourself everyday – what is my mission today…what must I accomplish today to take me a step closer what is most important to me? Plan, prioritize and then productivity. Everything else will revolve around your priorities.

    6. Delegate: Are they listening?  How do I influence other people (even my family) or others to listen to my thoughts and ideas and make things happen? Am I demonstrating my enthusiasm? When you are enthusiastic others WILL listen. If you are enthusiastic about your day….you will be a strong role model for your family through your excitement and enthusiasm. Watch….enthusiasm is contagious!

    Number 1.  Your Purpose.…sure your purpose is probably your family…..that is a given and for some Moms that is your absolute calling…. You know those GREAT Moms…well of course you are all great moms…. But for some of you there is something else.

    If you are reading this then I am sure the answer is YES. There is something else that is truly your greatness AND you have put it aside for your family at some point. Well, I was taught this by a great teacher Michael Losier…he said and I agree …our number one purpose is to live in Joy.  The secret is in WHAT you do to bring you that joy…you can get there destructively (complain, be a victim, bark at your kids when they don’t listen) or constructively (figure out your creative path…and then follow it blissfully with a smile and enthusiasm).

    My challenge to you today is to take 5 minutes…..sit quietly and just ask….”What brings me Joy?”  If an answer, a hunch, an inspiration comes to you….great act on it (one small step). If nothing comes….ask again tomorrow and then act. What do you have to lose? What do you have to gain? I know what your family has to gain…. a happy and fulfilled Mom…..

    Remember: When Moms Happy, Everyone’s Happy

    Mona McClelland

    the Busy Mom Mentor

    Professional Health/Life Coach

    Imagine a Life without Fatigue

    I was told once by a friend of mine (who just happened to be a naturopath ) when I was about 25 ( pre kids) that most adults with kids are chronically sleep deprived.

    Now back then at 25, I was not yet a mom, but I was riding high on the adrenals of my new career, putting in tons of hours…which set me up, along with my programmed “work ethic”, to begin the slippery slope into adrenal fatigue from workaholism.

    I was so determined to succeed that I threw many of the great common sense habits of health and vitality out the window.

    So today I want to share with you 5 great common sense tips that will help you regain your vitality plus a link to a great program (that is free to join) that will support you in stepping out from your ” mom world”  and learn about giving back the gifts that you were born to give the world.

    Sleep. Resist the temptation to burn the candle at both ends! Getting 8-10 hours a night of sleep is one of the best ways to restore your adrenal glands. It’s best to turn in early if you can. Drink herbal tea or consider a natural herbal supplement to help you wind down. And if you need one and can, take a nap during the day.

    Modify your exercise. Some of my patients feel great after they exercise. If this is you, stick with it. Others feel drained with exercise and it’s important to take it slow. Mornings are best for aerobic exercise but try not to let your heart rate go above 90 beats per minute. Try relaxing walks, yoga, or any kind of exercise that restores you instead of draining you.

    Eat well and often. Eating certain foods, and at specific times of the day can help you avoid the “crash and burn” of sugar/caffeine highs and lows. One important point: a hungry body puts stress on the adrenals, so don’t let yourself go too long without a meal or a snack.

    Relieve stress. Schedule a massage or enlist a partner or friend to give you one; practice yoga, t’ai chi or qi gong; put up your feet and enjoy a cup of tea; or call a loved one just to talk. Cultivate the practices that best relieve tension and stress for you. Even just five minutes a day of quiet breathing or meditation can do wonders.

    Play. Take a good look at your life, and let go of as many of the things that drain you as possible, replacing them with those that fulfill you. Engage with the people, activities, and work you most enjoy: go to the beach, play with your grandchildren, go dancing — whatever you have fun doing, give yourself permission to do it during this time of healing.

    *Special treat for you today: Are you ready to live your life with NO LIMITS?

    Join Yours Truly, and over 30 other experts who are just chomping at the bit to help you reach your fullest potential:  No Limits Telesummit ( It is happening right now and as I said it is absolutely FREE to join).

    Here is just a sample of what you will learn from the No Limits Telesummit:

    Remember to scroll down the page and check out my video on Motherhood. My call airs Tomorrow, Wednesday May 7th at 10 Am PST/1 pm EST.
    Don’t worry if you are busy, sign up anyways and you will have access to the recording.
    Plus I have a special gift for all of you. Want to put the sizzle back in your relationship? For all those on the call you will find out how to get access to an interview called “Beyond Sex – Tantra”….it is telling, tasteful and tantalizing.
    Join the No Limits Telesummit HERE
    Have a wonderful Tuesday, take a time out for you, MOM
    …and remember, ” When Moms Happy, Everyone’s Happy”

    Mona
    the “Busy Mom Mentor”