It is interesting to me that many times we go out in the world and tell others of the wonderful and special attributes of those we love. But, really isn’t it the ones we love who truly deserve to hear these heart–felt messages?
…And just as kids need a daily dose of love, touch, affirmation, acknowledgement and support, adults, particularly those who did NOT receive this loving reinforcement as children, will still be seeking it from someone/somehow until this need is met and fed….maybe for the rest of their lives….And that is ok!
To share a little with you about my life growing up; I felt I had to beg for love or cause some sort of disruption for a little (or a lot of) attention. The latter – attention seeking – resulting in the former….getting what I thought was love (probably in a form of a punishment – hey at least I got some attention). Pretty screwy way of thinking right….but hey I was a kid and I did what I knew how to do to get my needs met the best way I knew how. I am sure some of you reading this can relate somewhat.
Fast forward to my adult years. The program that was laid in place during my childhood caused me to continue to seek the loving affirmations in relationships – sabotaging the somewhat good ones while trying to hang on to the painful ones. (Can you see the pattern here?).
Then finally after much maturing, self-discovery, self love and putting my faith in God, I found the love of my life….Ok the second love of my life. Learning to love myself first, heal from layer upon layer of heartache, allowed me to clearly attract into my life….a partner, someone with so much love to give me and someone wanting all the love I could NOW give in return.
But, just when I thought all was right with my world…even in this most loving, caring relationship moments of deep loneliness would creep in causing me to ask myself if I could still be “broken”, so broken that I could not be fully happy with all the love I was receiving?
Then one day, after asking God if I was still broken, I realized and heard clearly that I was not….and what came to me was this understanding: The simple fact of not being given the five blessings of love constantly from my parents, left a hole in my fabric and that all I had to do now, as an adult, was to ASK….I must ask for this need to be filled. In this way, my loving partner would then have the ability to respond to my needs without having to ‘read’ my mind AND I did not have to live in sadness as a victim of my past.
My parents did their best and of course, in my maturity, I have long since accepted this fact. As number 4 of 4 children, my parents had their hands full with the very real threat of losing a child, my sister 2 years my senior, who had severe asthma attacks, starting at age 5. She spent a lot of time hospitalized and I spent a whole lot of time alone, full of imagination and creativity and curiosity, but alone……and my exuberance for life was just too much at times for my mom and dad to bear. The unintentional squashing of my spirit began and the molding of Mona took place. The more I fought this, the harder it was…so I stopped…I conceded…..but the sad ache in my heart never left.
I learned that I was happiest when I was loving someone…but truly I was searching to fill this empty place inside…where my natural….happy…exuberant spirit once lived.
The learning through these revelations is this: Today, I ask for my needs of love, touch and affirmation from the man I love and trust. Sometimes this is hard to do and the “little Mona” will retreat and pout…feeling sad and lonely again. However, I find the more I reach out and shine light on this truth and accept it…(my need of hearing that I am loved and feeling that I am loved)….. The more my wisdom, my maturity and my voice can take over to bring me my heart’s desire (to feel loved).
My mother always said, “You have a voice…use it”. Maybe not so easy as a child in my demographic…..but there is so much truth in this statement. Use your voice….be heard…get what you need…whatever that may be. Put the shame away and be proud of who you are…..believe me you will not stand alone if others hear your message.
Ask for the love you want and HOW you need to receive it. For some, in this life, the subject title of this message could not be truer…. “All you need is LOVE”.
Your Guide to an Abundant, Healthy Life